And so, after a brief hiatus, we proudly welcome the RETURN of everyone’s favorite racing awards show, The OLIAS Show! We here at Chicago Jon Productions have been working tirelessly to bring you this fine presentation. (and when I say ‘tirelessly’, I mean the ball got rolling during the second half of the dead-dog/totally-fixed playoff game between the Chiefs and the Texans. Our sources tell us the AFC Championship game will be sponsored by WWE, and will actually be DECIDED at the coin-flip, when Sergeant Slaughter will enter the stadium and hit Josh Allen with a steel-chair, giving the victory to Patrick Mahomes) Anywho, enough of the pillow-fight that is now pro football, and on to a MANS sport, Drag Racing! And we kick things of with…

The ‘Barrier-Buster’ OLIAS goes to Erica Enders. (Uhm, didn’t you just say ‘mans-sport’?) Yea, well deal with it, Hippie. Her 49 Pro Stock wins coupled with 6 NHRA World Championships make her pretty good in our book. And for you numbers-fans out there, her career best time of 6.45 would have qualified her in funny car at the 1972 Indy Nationals. (the first I ever went to) In the NUMBER ONE position. The ‘New guy is suppose to bring donuts’ award goes to Tony Stewart, your NHRA Rookie Of The Year for 2024. Really, did this surprise anyone? Smoke was born two weeks before I attended my first drag race, and won his first championship (in go-carts) before the age of TEN. Had I been able to get my broke-ass to the 2001 Indy 500, I’d be able to lay claim to having seen him in all three top-drawer motorsports series in the United States. Smoke ’em if you got ’em….

Winner of the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” OLIAS goes to Ron Capps. After winning the U.S. Nationals in 2023 in a Snake-themed throwback livery, the NAPA team swung for the fences and tried it AGAIN, coming up with ANOTHER ‘Snake-attack’ scheme, and getting to the finals before they ran out of mojo. Both these cars were enough to make me stick a crowbar into my wallet and barnstorm Clermont just like the days of old. And trust me, it was a sight to behold.

It goes without saying that the ‘Costanza approves’ OLIAS goes to the fine folks at Mission Foods, for dropping “Boo Koo Dinero” to sponsor NHRA Drag Racing. When I was at the 2023 Big Show race at Joliet (welcome back, ftr) I was joined by ‘special consultant to The Nitro Joint’, none other than Tom “The Longest 8 miles”. I pointed out the many Mission Foods events, games, displays and freebies and commented “these guys have a broader plan”. Becoming the title rights sponsor to the series was it, and fine by me. Now, no offense to the previous deal, but last time I checked (which was during the course of this sentence) a motorhome generally starts around 45 thousand dollars. Components for a fiesta-themed dinner?? Far less, Sparky. It’s safe to say regular people have an easier time putting shells and chips in the pantry than say, hocking up half a years income to put a toy in the driveway.

The ‘Jeff Spicoli I-know-that-dude’ award goes to Fast Jack Beckman. An all around good guy (and fairly stout racing historian to boot) Jack was brought in off the bench to fill the seat of the Peak Antifreeze Chevy Camaro of John Force Racing while the Champ is on the mend. Truthfully I had my money on another capable pilot, who had a history with Force racing but this move is fine by me. A guy who grew up at OCIR, and served his country in the Air Force, well what’s not to like about the guy?

It goes without saying that my ‘Brother from another-Mother’, none other than Antron Brown gets an OLIAS for two reasons in particular: secondly, racking up his forth World Championship in Top Fuel last fall, and mostly, just being an all-out cool Dude! I was already a fan when a couple years back at Indy, he got on the PA for an interview. A hot, sunny and cloudless day, he said, “Get a load of this SUN! My white-brothers will be trying to catch up to me today, for SURE!” In todays wimpy-whiney climate, it takes STONES to make that joke! And, while working on this I (South-Park-reference) “Learned something new today”, in that Antron ran quick enough in the 100-meter dash to qualify for the U.S. Olympic Trials in 1997, so this cat has speed covered on multiple fronts. This employee of Snap-On says…Go MATCO Tools!!

Which brings us to the “Git-Er-Done” OLIAS, being awarded to the tower, per say, at the 2024 U.S. Nationals. While ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin reportedly wanted them to use a South Texas double-wide, a ‘Franken-structure’ cobbled together out of shipping containers was what indeed got the job done. This summer I will be seeing my FOURTH tower at The Nationals (the QA one, Parks Tower, the previously mentioned, and the latest, still under construction) and that would make me…seasoned, yea, that’s it! No, not OLD, I’m not old, YOU’RE OLD!!

And we close out with the very special Ronnie James Dio ‘Man On The Silver Mountain’ OLIAS being presented to the Pride of Illinois, Mister TJ Zizzo. Gone are the days when Team Zizzo could be seen in the boondocks of the pits, setting up a swimming pool. These guys are no longer amused with “just being there”, they are here to win, and with their number one qualifying position at the 2024 Gerber Collision and Glass Nationals made the racing world sit up and take notice. And no, that wasn’t a ‘sessions were rained out’ blooper deal, their 3.735 was the real-deal, Holyfield. That Joliet reigns as their home track just seals the deal. And yes, I have history with those guys, I remember ‘like it was yesterday’ filming Tony Sr. from atop a ‘less-than-OSHA-approved’ structure once. It was the finals of an NHRA Points race, and that runner-up in 1989 was a highlight for the organization to be sure. 

Well, that’ll wrap thing up for this years awards, roll up that Red Carpet (I have to get it back to the rental place by 4pm) then it’s time for the must-attend after party of the season! (O.K., so we’re crashing a Taco-Truck in the parking lot of the Lutheran Church, for the craft-fair they’re having) Till next month, I AM Chicago Jon, time to say….CCC-YYYAAAaaaa!!!!!!